I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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