I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
