Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
