I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
