i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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