i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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