It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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