I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
