You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
