You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
