K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
