We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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