Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
