If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
