My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
