Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
