I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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