He is an equal opportunity slut.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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