I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
