you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
