Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This is the high leading the old right now
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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