I love black thongs
She said her name was "party"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
