i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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