Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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