so explain again why im purple
no
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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