i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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