Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
