D3 body, D1 cock
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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