I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
