im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
