That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
