No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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