he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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