I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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