Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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