Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
