Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
