im about as happy as oj after his trial
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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