I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
