Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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