is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
