8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
