hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
This is not my ceiling
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
