Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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