Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
