put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
