Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
