shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
