right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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