what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
