I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
