I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
